Oh my dear lord, why don’t you see that I am surrounded by pain and suffering from all sides? Why don’t you see that?
And very unfortunately, I don’t realize that all this suffering and pain is out of separation from you. I am still seeking solutions for these outside, in the material world, in acquiring wealth, fame and status. I still don’t realize that the source of all joy and love sits within, waiting for my permission to express itself through me. I still don’t realize that all my desires are the reflection of the most fundamental desire of the soul to meet its beloved. The most fundamental desire of the soul is in fulfillment of the purpose of the universe i.e. in consummation of the love between the soul and super soul, the lord. I still seek scraps of pleasure, fulfillment and stimulation outside when the source of all love and joy, Guru Nanak sits within me. I still am not able to make any connection with the Guru Nanak within.
My thoughts, words, and actions are still directed outside. Such a pain! What can I do? How can I turn them inward? How can I explain to myself to search inside, where you are sitting? Why don’t you break open the doors, when you know may incapability? But probably you can also see my intentions. Probably, you know that I do not really want what I am asking from you. Probably, you know that I am still interested in the material pursuits, in fame, money, and lust. Probably, you know that you still haven’t become my first priority. So, you just wait.
But what can I do? How can I channelize my uncontrolled thoughts, which keep searching outside, when I have realized that without you, I cannot be fulfilled? Why don’t you do something? Till when will I continue to struggle? Where are your feet? Let me fall unto them and surrender myself completely. But alas, I am not complete. I am just too scattered across many many things. I cannot even surrender completely.
Please pierce my heart, my lord, and make it your home. Please don’t leave me on my own.