At times, I feel that we all, including me, are criticism-addict. We criticize anyone and everyone for anything and everything. Wherever we go, we pinpoint “This is wrong with this place”, “This is wrong with this institution”, “This is wrong with this committee”, “This is wrong with this Gurudwara”, “This is wrong with this management”. Whomever we meet, we judge “This is wrong with this person”. Somehow, we have developed our vision and our perspective in such a way that we focus on the problems and the negatives and more or less ignore or take for granted the positives.
The result is a constant state of tension and lack of ease in ourselves. I realized this addiction in myself some time back and am trying to recover from it. However, it is so deeply embedded that it is going to take a lot of time to get over with it. However, as soon I tried to consciously avoid criticism, I could feel a sense of peace and ease come over me, as if a burden had been lifted over me.
I think this addiction exist among most, if not all, of us. There are a few reasons we criticize a lot:
1. One benign reason is that we are always focused on growing and improving. And in order to improve, we always focus on the points of improvements i.e. shortcomings. While it is good to be growth focused, we shouldn’t ignore the positive aspects of the people/organisations/
2. The second reason we criticize is to ease our sense of inferiority. We all seem to be suffering from a sense of inferiority, which we try to balm over by projecting others as inferior to us through criticism. When you criticize the other person/institution, clearly you mean that you are/know better than them. It gives you a sense of relief “Oh! These people are even worse than me!”. Well, the obvious way out of this is that you should stop feeling inferior. Feel yourself as worthy, no matter how much wrong you have done in the past or how much less you have accomplished in your eyes or in the eyes of the society. You are worthy just because you exist, just because you have been created by the ever-benevolent God/Guru Nanak.
3. The third reason is simple: criticism has become our habit. So, it is not that we consciously decide to criticize others. It is just our habit. It is just the way we live. It is our natural reaction.
Gurbani asks us to look within ourselves, rather than criticizing others. When there is so much to change in ourselves, why are we all the time focused on changing the world? Why do we need to criticize others when there is so much lacking in us?
However, it does not mean that we look inside ourselves and start criticizing ourselves. It won’t solve the problem because it will lead to inferiority problems and then again, we’ll start criticizing others to get some relief from our inferiority. The idea is to look at our shortcomings and focus on growing beyond them gradually through prayer and efforts.
In this way, we will see that all of us are struggling with some issues and trying to grow beyond them in some way or the other. There is no need to judge others for their shortcomings; they are like us, just having a different set of shortcomings. Rather than judging them, appreciate them for whatever goodness they have and help them lovingly and with care to grow beyond their problems.
And when we do this, our own inside will improve and this cycle of criticism will end. And a sense of peace, ease, and joy will prevail over us. And probably then, we’ll experience the true bliss of this life.