I think, in my life, I have perceived societal definition of success to be mostly around money, followed by fame and power. The more a person earns, the more he is deemed successful in the society.
There are a few people who define success as ‘excellence in their field’. They are the people who do their best in whatever pursuit they are, no matter how much it means monetarily. A lot of these people are monetarily successful too, but their mental inclination is more towards excellence than towards economics.
There are a few people who define success as making a contribution to the society or the nation or the world. These people start grassroots initiatives, open schools in slum areas, work for the upliftment of the poor people, fight for the rights of the lowest etc.
The question that has bothered me for a long time is: how do I define success?
I didn’t want to accept societal definition on face value since I believed there existed a chance in which I can achieve societal success but not happiness. In such cases, I used to wonder:
What if I am not happy? Would I be able to call myself successful then?
There is a story I read that goes like this:
When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.
Shouldn’t happiness be the ultimate barometer of success for an individual? What would he do with all the accumulations, fame, or power if he is not happy?
These questions have really intrigued me and driven me to ask the questions:
- Where does happiness lie?
- Is there a way to guaranteed happiness?
Because in achieving most of the things, there is always a chance that I may achieve success but not happiness.
And frankly, perhaps quite selfishly, what matters to me the most is my happiness. If I’m not happy, wouldn’t everything sound hollow? This question comes up in my mind.
And if I am happy, would it matter what I did in the world?
When I was at Yes Bank, I used to look up to my seniors (boss’s, super-boss’s) and wonder “would I be happy if I reach at their positions?”. I would be always disappointed by looking at their persistent negative thoughts of anxiety, fear, blame, worry, anger etc. I used to wonder “No fun in becoming them. Probably, a waste of all these years. After all these years and success, they are struggling with the same issues that I am. Some of them seem to be even worse off than me.”
Such observations would take away the motivation to work hard at the job or continue at the job at all.
On the other hand, I would look at some of the old people in Sangat (congregation at Gurudwara) and find them naturally happy and peaceful. It was surprising to find old people happy and peaceful because most old people I had seen before Sangat were mostly sad and complaining. “These lives seems to motivate me”, I used to think when thinking about these old people from Sangat.
People from Sangat would inspire me with their peace, humility, natural happiness, and service attitude. In them, I found lives that inspired me. Their lives I found worth emulating.
But how did they reach here?
Clearly, they were doing something different than people in my work place.
The answer wasn’t very difficult to find out: these old and young people in the Sangat were trying to follow the path laid out by Gurbani.
These people of Sangat were not renunciates, but were like normal people in other respects i.e. they also had their jobs or businesses and families. But the thing different in their lives was Gurbani.
And Gurbani, I realised, is not something that is meant to be sung once or twice a day, but something to be remembered and followed throughout the day. It impacts all small and big decisions of life. Rather, there are two ways of living life: through an understanding derived from this world (society, books, etc) and through an understanding derived from Gurbani. Following the second way of life, perhaps, makes all the difference.
I could feel that the natural happiness and joy reflected on the faces of some of the people in the Sangat and their simple living much surpasses the value of any comforts or possessions of my boss’s and their boss’s.
While understanding life in this way has brought peace and a natural ease in my life to some extent, it has also meant a severe beating of ambition to ‘achieve things’ or ‘become something’ in life. This seemingly lack of ambition becomes a cause of worry at times for me, when I realise that it is becoming increasingly difficult for me to do things different from the voice of my heart. At such times, the fear strikes in my mind, “If I don’t realise my calling (something I can do with all my heart), I will not be able to do anything.”
But by God’s grace, these times are not so common.
Besides, sometimes, it comes to me that:
- I can be happy without having anything in the world.
- And I can be empty while having everything in the world.
This quest for success, which means happiness to me, is trying to force me to go inside myself and search for the treasure inside. The only cost that I need to pay is a few bucks I might earn while working at a job.
I am not sure if I’ll go inside and search this treasure or if I’ll be successful. Probably, I may never go inside, and in such a case, I would lose both inner and outer treasures.
Yes, there is a risk.
But not much. I’ve enjoyed the journey so far. And the future: I’d rather leave it to my Guru than worry about it.
Life is not always about winning; losing is also an experience. What does my Guru want for me?
(Clarification: Through this article, I neither want to mean that my definition of success is the best definition nor claim that other definitions of success are any less worthy. I’ve just shared my thoughts, in case they help someone.)